Akatsuki's Way Of Celebrating Valentine's Day
by rln-dere
Summary: Tobi sets up a date for all the Akatsuki members and it goes horribly well. Warning - C R A C K I do not own any of the characters used in this story, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1 - Tobi's Valentine's Day Plan**_

As it was February, the month known as "Love", everyone was to give and share their "love" to their "loved ones". By giving heart shaped boxes of chocolates, confessing then becoming a "thing" or you get rejected (I'm sorry if you do), giving a bouquet of a dozen wonderful smelling flowers of all sorts and maybe by spending the night together, watching the stars and cuddling under the moonlight as a happy couple.

This only happens on February 14th, the day called Valentines Day.

Romantic, huh?

Way too romantic for the "evil" organization Akatsuki.

Why would they even celebrate this stupid holiday when they're so busy during missions?

Well, think again.

You'd be surprised of how life works in their world.

...

The masked orange lollipop had woken up with a a red string tied around his finger in a loose heart shape, he was confused but wasn't dumb, the male knew that today was something important. He got out of the bed, his bed sheets the colour of red with multiple pink heart prints all over the place with the words "I Love You" in bold, still no clue. Tobi then went to open the blinds and spotted a couple men and women holding hands, sitting for a lovely picnic, making out and a bunch of flowers being handed over to the women by men.

Still. No. Clue.

He sighed and picked up a nearby pink marker to cross out the previous day from the calendar then noticed he had the 14th day circled and scribbled with a bunch of pink and red hearts all over the place, for some reason, the walls too. The male then looked down at himself to see that he was wearing a comfy onesie that had many hearts of all sizes and colour.

Tobi started to think.

The hearts.

The colours of red and pink.

The dating men and women outside being happy together, in _love_.

All of the chocolate boxes and bouquets of flowers being given.

February 14th being circled on his calendar.

It added up! It all made sense now!

"It's VALENTINE'S DAY!", Tobi shouted his lungs out, waking up the rest of the members.

There was a loud obnoxious groan from everyone, especially from Itachi (you can tell and hear him down the hall).

"Not in my damn ear Tobi, un", Deidara says in his as usual pissed tone of voice, sort of getting out of bed.

"Well Tobi just can't help it Deidara-senpai!", he shouts once more. "It's Valentine's Day! And Tobi just can't wait to get everyone gifts!"

"No. No just no, un.", the blonde says sternly then tosses the blanket over himself again.

"And why ever not Senpai?"

"Last time we had had someone, all the fangirls especially, it went chaotic, un.", he explained shivering just from the thoughts. "Itachi-san's fangirls were the most annoying and kept on praising him, Kisame No Danna was being tortured by sushi and how "amazing" it was, Hidan-san's fans tried to touch him "there" but he sacraficed them to Jashin, Kakuzu stripped their wallets and other stuff, un."

"Ohhh...", Tobi jumps a bit back a bot startled of these "scary" fangirls and their doing. "Well Tobi has another idea!"

"Whatever, un...", Deidara says and slowly falls back asleep. "Oh and get out of that stupid onesie, it hurts just to see one heart, un..."

"Yes Senpai!", he jolts and salutes forgetting that the blond was already asleep.

The bigger male walks to take off his furry onesie then put on his black robe with the signature red cloud on the fabric, he turns the door knob quietly and sneaks away.

Tobi closes the door gently like a spy in his Akatsuki robe, pacing back and fourth in front of the room door of what he should do for this "special" holiday.

Giving everyone chocolates?

No, too chocolate-y...

Flowers?

Nah, Zetsu-san wouldn't approve...

How about a date...?

A date?

Yes, a date!

A date for everyone!

Tobi squealed in his mind and ran down the stairs like a total 5 year old who just saw their show come on, his idea was genius!

Of course, it was going to be hard to get a date for each member unless he paired them up with their favourite thing in the world, or person.

Planning the dates at a location, a secret spot near the hidden base, not too close nor too far. Not so easy to tell where the person is at yet not too hard to figure why the person is there.

He pondered about the special person, the one, who fits for each and every member. It was hard like breaking the ice between a friend yet simple as friend-zoning another.

The lightbulb in Tobi's mind dinged, the bulb was flashing rapidly which meant another idea had just been though of. The pairs had been decided and he had the perfect place for the two.

"Just wait and see everyone!", Tobi thought to himself evily. "You shall all FEEL THE LOVE!"

Chapter 1 - End - 02/06/2018

A/N - Thank you for reading this short chapter or the beginning of it all, I will try and update every week or at least once every two weeks. The next chapter will start off as a normal day then it gets random real fast, I have planned everything out already in my head, thank you so much!


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2 - The Puppet and His Date**_

Tobi's Plan (1):

Akatsuki Member - Sasori no Akasuna

Age - Older than Tobi by a few years

Height - Shorter than Deidara-senpai

Love Interest - Puppets, Art and himself (?)

Date - ?

...

It was around 11 in the morning when the rest of the Akatsuki members woke up after the cries of the newest member. As usual, Hidan swears his head off to everyone at the table, ranting about his dream and how horribly "disgusting" it was, followed by a "Shut up, un" from the blond. The two argue gradually as the roasts and cussing get louder, Kisame serves his warm and fluffy pancakes for breakfast, the table gets flipped over by a blind Itachi with an accidental,

"Whoops.", the Uchiha says in a low voice.

"Oh look what you did Itachi-san!", the blonde complains, pointing at him.

"You ruined my hair with the damn syrup from the fucking pancakes!", Hidan cries, trying to run a hand through his hair, cringing in disgust at the feeling of syrup.

"Well I'm sorry.", Itachi says innocently, crossing his arms. "I was trying to sit on the chair."

"A CHAIR?!", the two shout although Hidan's response involved more cussing.

"What the hell do you do to sit on a damn chair?!", Hidan asks roughly. "FLIP A GODDAMN TABLE?!"

"No.", Itachi replies calmly. "I normally grab a plate of fresh pancakes Kisame makes then I sit down."

"And how do you do that?", the blonde asked in his usual pissed tone. "BY RUINING MY FREAKING ROBE, MY LUSCIOUS HAIR WHICH TAKES FOREVER TO WASH AND BY RUINING BREAKFAST, HM?!"

"Actually I-"

Hidan snatches the mug of coffee from Kisame's hand and "trips", spilling the black liquid all over the raven.

"..."

Deidara leaned over to the taller male and in whisper says,

"Hidan-san, you screwed up big time, un."

"AMATERASU!"

The flames started to spread, the two males backed away and ran as if hell was upon them.

"Geez, they act like a bunch of 5 year olds.", Kakuzu mumbles, going back to focus on his newspaper.

Pein taps Konan shoulder and points at the black flames, with a load groan, she proceeds to storm up to find and get the fire extinguisher. Zetsu fades back into the ground for an escape as Kisame took the multiple plates of pancakes and saved himself.

Sasori silently walks back up the stairs to find a clueless Tobi standing near the male's room door. With a sigh, he glares at the masked man for a moment and finally says,

"What do you want Tobi?"

"Well Sasori-senpai, Tobi just has something to show you on this special day~!", the male exclaims cheerfully, hiding a wide grin behind the mask.

"Well, it better be quick, you know how I much I hate to kept waiting.", he replies with a scoff.

"Alright!", Tobi says with a salute. "Right this way!"

"Hn."

...

The crimson haired male was blindfolded with a black blindfold, it felt rough and it was triggering the male, he was wondering why it was taking forever to get to the location and where Tobi was even taking him.

"How much longer is this going to take 'cause this is taking quite a while...", Sasori says impatiently.

"Sorry Sasori-senpai, it's only been 3 minutes!", the bigger male responds, continuing to push the shorter male to the location. "Tobi promises that we are almost there!"

"Fine."

"Oh, here we are!", he exclaims, pulling the chair over.

"Finally!"

"Take a seat Sasori-senpai!", Tobi exclaims, adjusting the angle of the seat so the male can sit.

The male removes the blindfold from Sasori's face, he blinks a couple times as he adjusted to the dim lights of the candles. Tobi sinks into the shadows and waits for the magic to happen.

"Tobi? Wh-where am?", he stutters then looks back to find that Tobi vanished. "This better not be a trick of yours!"

Trick?

Of course it's not a trick!

It's a treat for Valentine's Day.

The male sat impatiently, his fingers strumming against the tabletop. The scenery seemed some what like a romantic restaurant, the sparkly chandelier, the few dim candles, the ruby red roses in the glass vase and another seat across from him, this was all too familiar.

Is this a date?

He hears footsteps coming from the opposite direction, he sighs and leans back in the cushioned seat.

"This better not be a joke.", he mumbles.

The taller lady walks in dressed in a leather fur jacket which was unzipped, a small black strap top exposing her breast curves, her petite black ruffled skirt cut up to her upper thigh, black high heels and her long blond hair swaying side to side with every step she took. She removed her black shades to reveal her features, her eyes an aqua blue, her lips curled with lipstick a bright pink and a faint hint of hot pink eye-shadow.

 _"This is not happening."_ , the male thought to himself. _"This can't be."_

The lady pulled the seat to the side and sat, she looked into Sasori's hazel eyes then leaned back in her seat. The crimson haired male could feel the sweat drops falling against his back and one from the side of his face.

It was awkward.

 _"Come on!"_ , Tobi begged in his mind. _"Say something!"_

"Um..", Sasori started off breaking the silence, the blond blinked out of her small world and smiled confidently. "Hi, I'm Sasori.", He said, reaching his hand out, waiting for her hand to shake his.

"Oh hi!", the women snorts after a laugh which Inner Sasori cringed at. "Ha! I'm _Barbie_!"

"B-Barbie?", he choked.

"Uh yeah! Like OMG, aren't you just totes cute?!", she squeals, shaking his hand crazily. "I just had to come meet you so I, like, ditched Ken for our movie tonight so I could, like, meet you!"

"Um, okay?", he says with a forced smile, releasing her tight grip, this was even worse than the Hidan's April Fools prank from last year, just remembering it was scary. It was the actually Barbie in front of his eyes not a forced to do so Deidara.

"Goddamn it Tobi.", Sasori says under his breath. "So, um.. How old are you?"

Barbie giggles then snorts, "Obvious in my 50's, isn't it like rude to be asking a women her age but whatever! I like, forgive you for being so cute!"

He sighs deeply and forces another smile.

 _"Tobi, where ever the hell you are, I_ _will freaking poison your cookies when I get back."_

"How long does this "date" last for?", Sasori asks in an attempted sweet voice, his eye twitching.

"Oh sweetheart~!", she laughs and slams her hand on the table, the vase nearly collapsing onto the carpeted floor. "We have the entire day booked together!"

"Entire day...?", his eye twitched more.

"Hehe~ Yup!"

"TOBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!", Sasori shouts in what sounds like a dying wolf, banging his hand against the tabletop numerous times.

But Tobi was no longer there in the shadows nor at the scene.

No, he was instead back at the base in his and Deidara's room, planning out the next idea.

"You're welcome~", Tobi says in a song like tone.

 _"Now for the leaders~ ",_ Tobi says with a grin spreading across his face.

02/10/2018

A/N - I'll try and finish this before Valentine's Day, maybe take out a pairing or two but I'll try my best guys! Thank you all so much~


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3 - The Leader's Aren't Actually In Love**_

Tobi's Plan (2)

Akatsuki Member - Leader Pein-sama

Age - Ancient (?)

Height - Average tall

Love Interest - Being God, Konan (?) and peace

Date - Konan-sama

...

The flames of black fire had been put out but the kitchen was a complete wreck of burnt food, furniture and people which Kakuzu doesn't approve of.

"I ain't paying for this shit.", the greedy male says, crossing his arms. "It was their doing, THEIR money goes to waste."

"Well that's unfair, un!", the blonde whines in defense. "It was Hidan-san's fault for starting it with it his stupid ass dream!"

"OH WOAH, EXCUSE ME BLONDIE.", Hidan pounces. "WE ARE BEST FUCKING FRIENDS, YOU WOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT I HAVE SOME FUCKED TO CORE DREAMS!"

"Dreams, my ass.", the blond mimics.

"That's my line!"

"Just be quiet, would you?", Pein asked politely as he entered the kitchen, Konan stood next to him, scribbling a few notes down shaking her head in disbelief.

"You two are both going to clean the place it is back to how it originally looked, okay?", Konan says sweetly, flipping the clipboard to see if there were any missions to be complete. "You won't leave until the kitchen is neat, understood?"

"Yes ma'am.", Hidan and Deidara responded low.

"Good. Now in the meantime, everyone is supposed to be back in their rooms doing some reorganization since y'all are slobs. GO!", the female shouts as everyone scurried up to their shared rooms.

Meanwhile, Tobi was planning it all out in his head and drawing the format of the leader's date on a sheet of paper, it looked like a monster coming for you from underneath the bed (that, by the way, is a television with a romantic-comedy on the screen).

"This is perfect!", the male squealed, kicking his feet up into the air and falling into his bed. "This is going to be the best brunch movie in the history of Akatsuki!"

Just how was he going to sneak into the leader's room of documents, confusing machinery and pictures of memories from the younger age?

Obviously when they're not in the room which would be now. This is going to be the best thing ever!

"Now to romantic-fy everything~!", the male exclaimed and giggled which transformed into a scary but innocent crackle.

...

As no one was paying attention to the "cupid" of the Akatsuki, he quietly tip-toed to the other side of the hall where the door to the lord's, a sign that read "Do Not Enter Unless You Have Been Called".

Distant chatter from the lower level was heard, some cussing and blame from the some and other small chats about the weather. Asides from that, the news report talking about the kyubi kid's travel of how long he's been through to get so much power.

No one really cares, there's nothing good on television anymore.

The door was slipped opened, the box of covered material was shifted inside, hopefully no one heard a jar of hearts shatter. The door closed and decorating had begun.

Tobi got a look of the room, it looked identical to how his "perfect" drawing from plan. He turned back and locked the door so no one would break in looking for the male.

The walls were a tad splashed with unwanted black paint, the television was a Sony with a large screen which is perfect. He removed the lavender sheet from the box then grabbed out a garland with pink, red, and white hearts. Tobi carefully attached it on to every corner of the wall above. Next thing he took out were the wall decor of words, he smacked them on the wall randomly. Then came the small pieces of confetti of hearts, words and small strips of paper which was spread across the floor and the bed as Tobi leaped around the round like a ballerina.

What used to be of the leader's room now looked like an explosion of a large Valentine themed party canon, the walls were splashed the colours pink and red, being extra careful from ruining the furniture.

After 45 minutes of hard work, Tobi stood near the doorway with the box of used supplies and unnecessary vases of flowers and other small photos from the "old" room. He took a final look at the room and smiled brightly, it was ready.

Plan Movie-4-Leaders was almost complete!

What was missing was just the food for brunch. The male looked around to find some food, opening the small drawers to find a small trace of editable food.

Nearly 10 minutes passed, nearly 12 and left with only 5 minutes to fix everything before his plan was ruined. Tobi looked up holding onto a small flame of hope, looking on the shelves one last time and something shined in the corner of his only eye. He spotted a small jar, a small glass jar full of sweets, candy to be exact. Chocolate bars of all sizes, miniature boxes of peppermint mint, it wasn't perfect or even an actual meal but it had to do!

3 minutes to get out.

Tobi quickly placed the jar on the wooden desktop.

He tip-toed back to the door and held the box of material.

2 minutes left to escape.

He unlocked the doorknob and turned the handle, hoping that no one was there or in the hall. The door opened with a creak and the male slowly walked out.

1 minute left.

He ran to his dorm and slammed the door, hiding the supplies of love in his side of the closet in a corner.

It was time.

...

"Pein-sama? Konan-chan?", Tobi asked sweetly. "Tobi has something to show you~"

The two turned to look at the orange masked man and sighed. Pein turned off the television as Konan stood up, and nodded. The male saluted and gestured with his hand to tell the two to follow them.

"Where are you taking us Tobi?", the leader asked.

"Isn't this our room?", Konan also asked.

"Yes and Tobi saw someone enter your room!", he exclaims, his grin hidden.

"Which is...?", the leader asks low, raising and eyebrow.

"Ummm... Tobi doesn't know! That's why Tobi got Pein-sama and Konan-chan upstairs!"

"Okay..?", Konan responds, turning the doorknob.

"WAH LOOK OUT!", Tobi suddenly shouts, shoving the leaders into their "room" and closes the door after. With a key he stole from Konan, he locks the door and leaves to let the two have their movie time.

"What the hell Tobi!", Konan shouts, trying to doorknob open but, it wouldn't budge.

"It's alright Konan, wait, is the door not opening?"

"It's locked sir."

The male sighs and gets onto his feet, having a good look around their new and improved room. He flipped the light switch on to find that the lights were dark.

The lamps switched on themselves, random pieces of confetti fell from the ceiling as silver sparks of glitter was blown out from every small corner.

"Tobi did this, didn't he?", Pein asked low.

"I assume so.", Konan responds, picking up the movie disc. "It's Valentine's Day so here he goes setting us all up."

"Hn.", he says. "Is that The Notebook?"

"Yes sir, it is."

"Oh, I guess this isn't so bad after all.", he says with a grin.

"Um... Sir?", Konan says, kicking her shoes off and getting on the bed. "We only have mints and chocolate to last us..."

"It doesn't matter now.", he takes the disc out of her hand and puts it in the DVD player. "It'll work."

"Um, also... There isn't anything between us.", the origami lover notes. "No chemistry whatsoever."

"No, not at all.", he says with a chuckle.

And so the movie began.

...

Tobi grabs out his checklist and draws through a line for Plan 2, now it was time for Plan 3.

 _"Kisame-san and Itachi-san will love this adventure."_

02/11/2018

 **A/N - I know this one didn't have so much effort put in but I think it's good. I'll try and update twice today as Valentine's Day is coming so fast x3 Thanks guys, please review so I know how to improve~**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4 - Poetry Adventure**_

Tobi's Plan (3)

Akatsuki Member - Kisame

Age - 32

Height - Tall

Love Interest - ?

Date - Itachi

...

"Has anyone seen Sasori no Danna, un?", the blond asks the remaining of the Akatsuki members. "I haven't seen him since this morning, un."

"Last time I saw him was with Tobi.", Zetsu respond. **_"Yeah, with his date."_**

"Oh, so Sassy ACTUALLY got a damn chick?", Hidan teases. "Is it the the pink haired Konoha kunoichi?"

"Probably not, and as if YOU would ever get a date since you're such a foul mouth.", Deidara says with a grin.

"Says the one who looks like a fucking chick."

"Oh woah! So that's how you want to go,un?"

"I wouldn't care at all blondie."

"Can you guys please not flirt in front of us?", Zetsu asks politely. **_"It's disgusting, just like Hidan's dreams."_**

"SHUT UP ZETSU!"

 _ **"What** ever."_

Zetsu has left the room, leaving the Jashinist and blonde artist alone. They look at each other with a growl and head off in separate directions.

One to their room, the other to perform his daily ritual.

At least the kitchen was being repaired...?

...

Tobi was in the living room sitting on the couch with a pencil in hand and his notebook of plans. He glanced at the clock which read 1 in the afternoon, too many dates to plan in such little time.

He needed ideas.

He reached for the remote and clicked the on button, there was a commercial break currently about poetry.

"If you enjoy to write topics and merge them into poems, you'd like to be a poet!"

In the background of the male voice, there was a a young girl, probably in her teens, holding a sheet of paper and reading her poem about being alone.

"Come and audition now at...", and the voice trailed off.

Tobi sat for a minute in silence, he thought deeply.

A poem?

Yes!

A poem!

A great idea!

An hour or two of reading poems, Kisame and Itachi can read out their feelings since they're in "love"!

Just where will it be held?

A few places available at the moment would be in the living room, their own dorm and somewhere in there basement.

The basement would work perfectly as a slam poetry place! It would just need a few minor decorations then it would work.

Just how was he going to lead the two together?

An adventure with poems leading Itachi to Kisame so some weird stuff can happen?

Yeah, that's good.

Tobi grabbed out his blue pen and begun to write small poem verse which may or may not rhyme. Starting in the next 30-40 minutes, Operation Poetry Adventure will begin.

...

40 minutes as Tobi completed his plans, he watched from behind as Itachi Uchiha entered the living room to watch "The Voice".

Wasn't this going to be the most interesting one of them all?

The Uchiha sat down on the couch, he reached for the television remote but instead, was holding a piece of paper which read,

 _Roses are red_

 _Violets are blue_

 _Confess to Kisame_

 _Before I do_

The raven was confused at first.

What did this mean?

Confess to Kisame before who?

Why was this happening right now?

Who is this person?

Why is he or she, or it, going to confess?

Itachi shook his head and resumed to look at the screen which was on when it wasn't touched at all. The background of the screen was complete static, a few flashes struck as words in red appeared which read,

 _Roses are red_

 _Violets are in fact purple_

 _Kisame loves me_

 _Not you_

Now this was scaring the male a bit, he tried to play it cool and get out of the room. The first step, his body was shaking, the second step had the thoughts of never ending questions, the third step was with a scrunch as there was a crumpled up note under his sandal.

Itachi hesitated for a moment then picked up the ball of paper, and unscrambled it. The male read the bolded words of cursive in his head.

 _Roses are blue_

 _Violets are also blue_

 _Come to the basement_

 _Kisame has a surprise for you ;)_

A surprise?

 _"Kisame wouldn't do that for me...? Would he?"_ , the male thought.

Wouldn't it be risky as well?

What if it was just a prank to play with his heart?

To play with his emotions?

Well...

It was worth a try.

"The basement...", he mumbled as he left the living room and went down the second stairwell which led to the underground level.

Tobi slowly came out of his hiding spot, then turned off the television and picked up the note of poetry he had written.

His grin was getting wider behind the mask.

It was exciting to see it happen.

It was going according to plan.

...

"Kisame?", the male asks softly as he reached the basement floor. "Are you here?"

"Yeah, uh hey Itachi-san.", the shark male responds with his casual smile. "Did you get those notes?"

"Yeah.", Itachi steps closer, at least 10 centimeters away from him. "Explain to me everything Kisame. EVERYTHING that has happened just now. Why am I here, who is confessing, why is this happening, how come and-"

"Haha, relax Itachi-san, it's alright.", Kisame says calmly, taking out a small crumpled ball of paper. "Just read this and everything will be fine."

The male nods and takes the paper out of the bigger hand. He opens the note to find a bunch of Kisame's slanted cursive handwriting.

 _I wish you knew how I felt when I looked at you._

 _I wish you knew how fast my heart would pump when I'm around you._

 _How much I cherish the moments_

 _How much I've done for you_

 _Being your partner in crime_

 _You don't know how many times I've tried._

 _How I've tried so hard to tell you,_

 _I love you, I love you Itachi-san._

 _Well_

 _Today's the day that I have confessed._

 _You may not feel the same way_

 _But happy Valentine's Day_

 _Best regards, Kisame_

Itachi's heart melted.

He felt touched, no one else has ever made him feel that way.

"Thanks Kisame...", Itachi said softly with a kind grin, he pushed his way into the bigger male's body for a tight hug.

"So do you love me?", he asked, hugging him back.

"Yeah, yes I do..."

...

All went well according to plan so far, Tobi is proud of that so.

Operation Poetry Adventure is a success!

The male checks the plan off, now for his next set up for another member.

Who? You ask?

Not even Tobi knows himself.

Maybe something nice for Zetsu-san and Kakuzu-san.

With a grin, he writes his current ideas down and declares today, so far, to be perfect.

02/11/2018

 **A/N - This chapter so far has to be my favourite since I adore Kisame and Itachi's relationship with each other so much~ Just can you not love these guys? 3**

 **Yes guys, I wrote the poems with the first things that popped appeared in my head, kinda.**

 **I just can't wait to write Hidan and Deidara's (My OTP 3) chapter which will probably chapter 6.**

 **Two chapters in one day? A new record from this girl x3**

 **So, thanks for reading this chapter as the next one will be realeased either tomorrow or squished in today, updated at a really late time but I have school tomorrow so it's highly unlikely xD**

 **Please review so I can improve on my writing, thank you guys!**

 ** _xoxoRina_**


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